Perspective for Parents with College-Bound Teens

Sep 18

The college application process is often a time marked by high anxiety for teenagers and their parents, rather than being a time of anticipation and pleasures about a new phase of life. As your teenagers prepare to apply to college, here are five tips to create perspective:

1. Fair Decision-Making

Contrary to most of the hype you hear, the single most important aspect when making any decision about college is that your child should feel emotionally comfortable about the college they choose. This is what will help them make a good enough transition from being at home with their family to being away from home with their peers and adults in non-family settings.

2. Realistic Choices

I have treated people who went to Ivy League schools as well as community colleges and state universities. Both groups of people can be very successful or struggle tremendously in life. Also, people can be successful academically but be extremely unhappy in their personal lives. For the most part, whichever college one goes to is NOT a predictor of success/failure and happiness/unhappiness in life.

3. Forward-Looking Goals

What is most important is that you and your child view this process and this phase of their lives as an opportunity to experience a good initial leave-taking from home. See this as a step toward greater autonomy, with the goal of receiving a decent higher education, thus facilitating a hopeful pursuit of a profession they will enjoy.

4. Gentle Transitions

We all understand now that going to college is not about leaving home, period. To be eighteen is not a magical marker of maturity or self-sufficiency, nor should it be. Your child will be coming home and going away for a long time after they start college. This is just as it should be. Please do NOT convert their bedroom into your office or craft room just yet. Kids need a home and parents they can leave at their own pace.

5. Positive Support

Finally, whichever college your kid attends, remember it is about them and not about you. So be mindful not to live out your aspirations, dreams, hopes, and unfulfilled ambitions through your child. This is a time to guide, help, support, stay on the sidelines, and cheer your high schoolers on as they sprint toward college.

Wishing you and your teenager good conversations and meaningful experiences during this journey!